Life Derailed
by Samantha Novak
Summary: An AU to 1x09 "Derailed." What if Spencer was newly pregnant during this episode? So early along that only he knows. Going in to trick Dr. Bryar was supposed to be easy: get in, "remove" the chip, get out. But of course, things don't go as planned and Reid gets hurt. Warnings for miscarriage.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _I was watching "Derailed" the other night and, of course, my brain had to come up with this "What if...?" type of tag for it after Spence is sent in to try to trick their unsub._

* * *

"Alright, how do we remove a microchip that's not there?" Hotch asked, eyes cast down in thought.

The BAU had gone into work expecting that day to be like any other paperwork day. JJ hadn't gotten any high priority cases and Elle was on her way to question a prisoner for their VICAP databases. However, they'd all gathered when they were notified about a hostage situation on a train. They soon learned a security guard was dead and Elle was one of the passengers. After communicating with the unsub – who, Garcia found in her research, was Dr. Theodore Bryar, a schizophrenic who became a top physicist – they were told he believed the government was watching him and that he had a chip inside his body. He'd threatened to kill everyone on that train, believing them all to be federal agents watching him, unless the chip was removed.

"His speech is lucid. There's no sign of neologisms, word salad, or loosening of associations. As long as he can systematize, he'll be able to keep his thinking relatively organized," Reid concluded, pacing back and forth as he gave his mini lecture.

"Organized enough to see through any game we throw at him?" Morgan asked.

"And if he's convinced it's in his arm and not in a place like his lower back or his neck-"

"-an incision means he's gonna be watching," Gideon finished, catching on to Hotch's line of thought.

"Maybe we can just convince him that's he been looking in the wrong place," Morgan offered.

"Or we could fake it," Reid said, eyes widening and a slight tone of hope entering his voice. Somehow, the idea he had in mind _fit_. It could work! All eyes in the room turned to him and he hurried to explain himself. "Conceal a chip in the palm. A little, uh, sleight of hand..." He made a coin he'd been fiddling with disappear to prove his point.

"Come on, Reid, what are you talking about? A magic trick?" Morgan asked skeptically. There was no way a little coin-out-the-ear – or in their case, _arm –_ magic trick was going to fool Dr. Bryar.

"Yeah, I'm talking about a magic trick," Reid said, sounding slightly offended.

"No," Hotch said.

"I-I used to do it during college exams," Reid defended, getting worked up enough that he stuttered over his words at first. "I can make it appear, I can make it disappear..." Just to prove his point, he made his coin reappear in his fingers.

"We can't risk giving him another agent as a hostage," Hotch explained patiently.

"We have to do _something_ ," Reid countered.

Morgan leaned his temple against his hand and kept his eyes down. After a moment, he stood and crossed to the other agent with a defeated sigh. "Alright, Reid. Let's go. Teach it to me." If this was the only way to pacify their unsub, he would go in himself. There was no way he was letting Reid go in there.

"What? No," Reid said in disbelief.

"Look, if you can do it, I can do it. Show it to me," Morgan pressed.

"I've been practicing this my whole life. We have less than thirty minutes," Reid explained. There was no way to teach Morgan this trick well enough that he could fool someone in a half an hour.

"Reid. I am not about to let you get on that train with an armed psychotic," Morgan said, voice pitched lower in worry.

"We don't have any other choice, do we?" Reid countered firmly. He was right and they knew it. This was their only chance.

"No," Gideon said softly, standing. "We don't have any other choice."

Knowing that was the only way and Gideon having made the decision, Hotch excused himself to find something to use as a microchip and Reid found himself being put into a Kevlar vest.

"Reid. Do _not_ take this vest off," Morgan said firmly as he finished strapping his boyfriend into the vest. "In hostage situations, S.W.A.T. sometimes won't even tell the negotiator when they're deciding to go in. Do you know why that is?"

"Because the slightest change in tone of voice or change of words can give the whole thing away," Reid replied dutifully.

"That's right," Morgan said, giving him a pat to the shoulder. " _Don't_ make eye contact with Elle. You're a technician. You've never seen her before."

"Got it," Reid said with a nod of understanding.

"Now remember, play into the guy's fantasy. Believe it yourself," Morgan instructed.

"Actually, did you know that dentists and surgeons have been recruited to secretly implant these during otherwise normal medical procedures? This has been happening on and off since the late 1930s." Morgan gave him a look. "You told me to believe."

"Alright," Hotch said, moving over to them with a chip he'd carefully pulled from an electronic device in his fingers. "One government issued microchip."

Once the team moved outside, Reid donned a pair of latex gloves and began practicing with the chip. Every time he tried, the chip would slip and he'd have to retrieve it from the dirt.

"You gotta relax, man," Morgan instructed, his tone giving away how on edge he was about this himself.

"The chip's a lot smaller than I'm-I'm used to doing it with, alright?" Reid snapped, his own nerves causing him to trip over his words again. He tried once more but the chip slipped through his finger again.

"I'm pulling the plug on this," Gideon relented. He'd held out hope that this could be their way in but watching his youngest agent fumble with the chip repeatedly gave him doubts that this could actually be pulled off without incident. If he dropped it in front of Dr. Bryar and gave away the whole thing, who knows what the other man would do to him.

"No, no, hold on. One more," Reid said, blowing dirt off the chip after retrieving it from the ground. He slipped the chip between his fingers and gave his hand a few gentle shakes. The chip stayed between his fingers this time so he moved his arm out and maneuvered the chip into his closed fist, puling his arm back toward his body. When he opened his fist, the chip was safely resting in his gloved palm.

After a moment, Gideon nodded. "Take his chip out then get off the train, you understand? Tell him you need to get back to the higher authority, say you have guidelines to follow, whatever. Do _no_ _t_ stay in there with him. That's an order," he said, eyes holding care and concern for his youngest agent. He was allowing this because it was their only chance but he was taking every precaution he could to ensure Reid was kept safe.

"Yes, sir," Reid said, nodding. He understood his orders but he also understood the concern his father figure held for him. It was almost the same concern Morgan looked at him with that filled him with warmth. He turned toward the train then paused and turned back to the team. "Can you guys do me a favor?"

"Anything," Hotch said.

"Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?"

Morgan smiled and stepped forward, wrapping the younger man in a hug. "I love you, pretty boy," he said so low that only Reid could hear. "See you when you get back."

Reid smiled lovingly at his boyfriend, glad for the reassurance. Warmth filled him at the simple gesture of love.

Strangely, it gave Reid comfort to know he wasn't the only one worried about going into a dangerous situation. Of course they always worried about one of them going into something alone like this. Though Morgan didn't know yet that Reid was pregnant. If he did, there was no way the other agent would have ever let him go in. But this was the only way to save the people on the train. If he made it out of there in one piece, he'd be sure to finally tell his unit chief that he shouldn't be in the field anymore and why.

When he entered the train car, he found Dr. Bryar holding the blond woman – Elaine – with his gun pointed at her abdomen. Elaine whimpered and locked pleading eyes on Reid as he stepped from the entry into the main part of the car.

"That's far enough!" Dr. Bryar growled and Reid stopped where he stood.

He cleared his throat and willed himself to appear calm and in control. "I'm here to remove a chip from Dr. Bryar."

"Take the vest off," Dr. Bryar ordered. "I want to see you."

"I don't have any weapons," Reid said, trying to keep himself calm. The idea of removing that one protective layer between his child and the gun in Dr. Bryar's hand made nausea roil in his stomach. "The higher authority doesn't authorize it for technicians."

"Take it off," Dr. Bryar snapped.

Swallowing, Reid slowly moved his hands to the velcro keeping the vest on. He tried to force them to be still. Removing the vest made him feel unprotected and he felt his senses hyper aware of the gun in the other doctor's hand. He felt like there was suddenly a red target on his abdomen.

"Come closer," Dr. Bryar commanded once the vest was gone. "I want to see both of your hands at all times."

Reid kept both his hands in front of himself where Dr. Bryar could see them. He tried not to move them down too low, almost afraid that if he did, the other man would suspect he was trying to hide something. As he neared Dr. Bryar, the other man shifted so they could both stand in the aisle between the seats.

"Sit across from me," he calmly ordered before pushing Elaine away.

Once she had crawled away and the two were settled, Reid began opening the bag of supplies he needed. Dr. Bryar had the gun aimed at him in a looser grip, the angle of the gun making it aim at Reid's abdomen. He knew that wasn't likely on purpose but it only intensified his fear of something happening to the baby and his hands began to tremble slightly as he opened an alcohol wipe.

"Why are you so nervous?" Dr. Bryar asked warily.

Reid forced his hands to still as he worked, keeping his eyes down on his hands instead of looking anywhere near the other doctor's face. "I told you. I'm not used to being around guns," he lied. He grasped Dr. Bryar's wrist in one hand and used the other to rub the alcohol wipe over part of his forearm then set it aside. "This is going to probably sting a little bit," he said as he pulled a scalpel from the bag.

Dr. Bryar nodded but remained calm as he watched Reid work. He watched as Reid pressed the scalpel into his skin, grunting and looking away as the cut was made. As Reid began working his fingers in the cut, he looked back at his arm, watching the white fingers of the glove stain red. A wide smile lit up his face when Reid pulled out the microchip.

Reid met Dr. Bryar's eyes once he had it pulled out.

"I knew it," Dr. Bryar said, nodding and still grinning. "I knew it."

"I've got to to the higher authority," Reid said, rising now that his task was accomplished. "I was supposed to-"

"Not yet!" Dr. Bryar growled and Reid slowly but immediately sank back into his seat. "Turn it on. Turn the chip on."

Reid glanced down at the bloody chip in his hand then back up at Dr. Bryar. "Excuse me?" He watched Dr. Bryar with wide eyes, lips parted to take in deeper breaths as he willed himself to remain calm. All he had to do was do whatever Dr. Bryar wanted and he wouldn't shoot. His baby would be safe. Except he couldn't _do_ what Dr. Bryar was asking this time. And he had no idea how to lie his way out of this.

"Turn it on, or I pull the trigger," Dr. Bryar warned, voice wavering which unsettled Reid further.

"I-I can't turn it on," Reid admitted.

"Why not? Why not?!"

"Because it has to be implanted," Elle said, seeing her fellow agent struggle for an excuse and grasping for anything to help him.

"She's right," Reid said, latching on to her lie. "The chip derives its power from tiny electrical impulses fired between neurons. It has to be in your skin to work." Rising, he tried to get away again. "I-I really need to go-"

"Sit down!" Dr. Bryar barked, causing Reid to lower back into his seat. "You're not going anywhere."

Reid pulled his bloodied gloves off and stuffed them and the chip into the bag he'd brought with him.

A few seconds later, the phone at the other end of the car began to ring.

"It's probably the higher authority," Reid said when Dr. Bryar made no move to answer it, continuing when the other man at least looked at him. "I told you, I have protocols to follow. I was supposed to go right back out there. I-I have rules."

Still, Dr. Bryar made no move to answer the phone.

"You want me to stay, I'm obviously going to stay but you're going to have to be the one to explain it to the man," Reid continued, knowing he was beginning to ramble but he couldn't help it.

This was supposed to be simple. Get in, get out. He'd had a vest for protection. And now, the vest was gone and Dr. Bryar wasn't letting him go. The longer he stayed, the longer his child was in danger and the more on edge with worry Reid's nerves became. He felt his heart hammering against his chest and breathing felt a bit more difficult than it'd been when he'd been working on Dr. Bryar's arm and that had had him almost panicking, too. At least the gun wasn't aimed directly at him anymore…

"Why can't you all just leave me alone," Dr. Bryar said wearily after a moment's pause.

"Leave you alone?" the twenty-something man said, standing.

"Stay out of this," Reid calmly warned.

"No. The government does watch us. You got microwaves and satellites. I'm with you, man," he said, pointing at Dr. Bryar.

"Do not agitate him," Reid warned through clenched teeth. This kid was going to anger Dr. Bryar and then there was no guarantee that gun _wouldn't_ be fired and if anything happened and Reid was hit… "Dr. Bryar, answer the phone," he said much more calmly than he felt.

"My old man used to have tracking devices in his cars," the young man continued, the phone continuing to ring over and over. "He said it was for theft, but i-it's so he could find out where I'd go. A-And what about personal recordings and televisions? You don't think someone's monitoring everything you watch? You know how many patents are- are issued for devices to monitor people? Look it up, man."

"Answer the phone, Ted," Elle said, a bit more firmly than Reid had as Dr. Bryar visibly became slightly more agitated.

"Stop, this isn't gonna help," Dr. Deaton said, rising from her seat and pushing the young man back toward his.

"What the hell do you know?" he snapped, looking affronted that she'd dare try to order him around.

"Ted, he doesn't know what he's talking about. He's just a kid," she continued, turning to face her patient as she continued to try to push the young man back.

The phone continued to ring, seeming louder in the space.

"Who you calling a kid?"

"Sit. Down," Elle commanded, eyeing the young man.

"Oh, now you're gonna tell me what to do? He'd only have one gun if you weren't here. I'm with you, man," he tried again, looking at Dr. Bryar and trying to move toward him.

"Answer the phone, Dr. Bryar," Reid tried again, forcing his voice to stay calm. "It's the higher authority."

With all the noise from the phone and the other passengers' voices back and forth, telling him wha to do and each other what to do, and likely seeing or hearing things, Dr. Bryar finally lost any control he had. He rose from his seat with an agitated whine, turning between all the people around him rapidly, gun pointing at each of them.

Reid and Dr. Deaton attempted to calm him but in all the commotion, Dr. Bryar managed to land a hard elbow to Reid's abdomen. The smaller man's breath left his lungs and his hands flew to the point of impact as pain radiated through him. Dr. Bryar continued to agitatedly turn between everyone.

"No!" Elle cried as Dr. Bryar turned toward Dr. Deaton just before the gun fired.

In the calm after the shot, she looked down to see a red spot growing on her sweater. "Teddy?" she said softly, clearly shocked that the gun had been fired and that hit had hit _her_.

"Oh, damn," the young kid whined in fear. "Damn!"

The phone continued to ring.

Finally, Dr. Bryar slowly moved down the aisle toward it. Once he had moved away, everyone converged on Dr. Deaton who trembled with shock. Even Reid, pushing aside his discomfort and hoping what he thought was happening within him _wasn't_.

Dr. Bryar lowered onto his knees and slowly picked up the phone. "What?" he said wearily.

"What happened, Ted?" Gideon asked, forcing his voice to remain calm. "I did what you asked for."

"I'm tired," Dr. Bryar whispered, closing his eyes. "I've been fighting for so long."

"You don't have to fight anymore," Gideon soothed falsely.

"I said it all ends today," Dr. Bryar warned before sighing. "Me. These agents. It all ends today," he repeated before hanging up.

"What does that mean?" JJ asked, looking between the other agents.

"It means he's decided on an end game," Hotch said, eyes moving to Reid on the monitor.

"He's going to kill himself and the hostages," Gideon said.

Some time later, the phone on the train began to ring again. Just like before, Dr. Bryar made no move to answer it, rocking in his seat and ignoring everyone else.

"Ted," Elle finally said after a moment of nothing but the phone ringing. "No one on this train is an agent but me. No one else."

Still, the phone rang and Dr. Bryar made no move to answer it. He gave no sign he'd even heard her speak.

"I'm the only one. You can let everybody else go," she tried again.

"Ted, this woman needs help," Reid said softly from where he knelt in front of the wounded woman. He shifted slightly in discomfort where he sat.

"Who's gonna help me?" Dr. Bryar said, still rocking and making no move to answer the phone.

"The higher authorities can help," Reid countered in an attempt to get through to him, looking toward Dr. Bryar who still didd't look at any of them. "They-They're not what you think. They're not the enemy. They can help you."

Suddenly, Dr. Bryar stood and turned toward the phone, making Elaine shriek in fear. He shot once and then smoke rose from the broken phone and the car went silent.

Reid bit his lip and forced back a groan as his stomach cramped up.

"What's wrong?" the man in the suit sitting beside him asked , noticing the way Reid winced.

Reid shook his head dismissively. Dr. Deaton needed help more. Besides, there wasn't anything anyone could do. He knew exactly what was happening to him now and nothing could stop it.

"Not anymore," Dr. Bryar said ominously as he lowered the gun, oblivious to the man in pain behind him. Then he lowered himself back in his seat and stared at a point on the floor in front of him.

They fell into silence for a moment more. Dr. Deaton seemed calm where she leaned against the seat with the young man's arm around her shoulders. Reid, however, felt like a war was ravaging his insides and he fought to bite back groans and whimpers of pain.

"It's not gone," Dr. Bryar said, tone sounding as if he were in the middle of a conversation as opposed to accusing the man who had supposedly "removed" the chip. "You said when the chip came out, it would go away," he continued though no one had spoken and he didn't seem to be speaking to any of the other passengers. "I- I still hear it."

At this, Reid looked back up toward Dr. Bryar. Through the pain wracking his body, he forced his mind to think, to piece together what they'd learned about Dr. Bryar and what he had just said.

"But you said it was the only one, Leo," Dr. Bryar hissed. "I can still… feel the buzzing, the burning."

"Dr. Bryar," Reid called softly.

"What?" Dr. Bryar looked in his direction.

"Reid," Elle warned, giving up on any pretense that she didn't know Reid.

"It's alright, Elle," Reid whispered before looking back at Dr. Bryar.

"Is there another one!" Dr. Bryar barked, rising and pointing the gun at Reid again.

Reid scoffed lightly and gave Dr. Bryar a weak, wavering smile. "You know there isn't. If there were, Leo would have told you."

"Make it stop!" Dr. Bryar cried, planting his hands to his temples.

"I know what it's like," Reid continued. "I know what the voices are like. The voices, they won't stop. They've been talking to you since you were a child."

"You're lying to me," Dr. Bryar said, voice wavering.

"That's Leo speaking; that's not even Dr. Bryar," Reid countered. Then he looked at a spot to Dr. Bryar's left, mouth working to form words that wouldn't come out through a wave of pain. When it passed, he tried again. "Why don't you let him think for himself, Leo?"

"You-" Dr. Bryar eyed Reid warily. "Do you see him?"

"Yeah, he's right there," Reid said with a nod in the space he imagined Dr. Bryar saw Leo in before beginning to speak to Leo again. "Why don't you let him make his own decisions?" Then he turned his attention back to Dr. Bryar. "The voices, they helped you, right? It's- It's where you get your ideas from. While the other kids were outside on the playground, you were inside, reading, studying, learning." He forced himself to rise and take a few tentative steps toward Dr. Bryar. "The voices wouldn't stop. They helped you understand things that other... people could never... realize." He found himself panting between words as the pain in his abdomen intensified. He swallowed and forced himself to continue. "And then, as you grew older, it became… almost a, ah… a responsibility, right? A-A responsibility t-to use that ability, t-to use your knowledge."

Elle watched Reid closely from where she sat, warring with herself as she watched him struggle. He'd obviously been hurt somehow when Dr. Bryar had elbowed him and was fighting through it. Did she let him continue despite being in pain or risk further chaos by trying to plead with Dr. Bryar to let him go?

"String theor," Dr. Bryar said, voice unsteady. "The theory of everything."

"Then M theory encompassing all the strings, unifying the theories," Reid agreed. "You know, it's funny," he said with a huff at a fresh cramp. "Most people… say that… M theory... can never be proved. Because the mathematical tools do not yet exist. But you see it. Right?" He saw the moment Dr. Bryar's attention focused solely on him and not what he was hearing in his head and continued to speak. "You can see the different strings… unifying the dimensions… the gravitational infinities canceling each other out. You see them because you have the tools. Your mind… is that tool."

"Shut up!" Dr. Bryar snapped at the spot to his left.

"And I have to believe," Reid continued, swallowing around a moan, one hand moving to grip the seat beside him in an attempt to fight the pain, "that if-if you put your mind to it, you'll realize… that only you can make Leo stop. You can make him stop… by understanding him. By understanding that he is a liar… and he only wants bad things for you. I need to believe that, Dr. Bryar."

Suddenly Elle, mind made up, tackled Dr. Bryar. The two grappled for the gun for a moment before the businessman who had remained quiet the entire time snatched it and shot him. In the silence after the gunfire, broken only by Reid's heavy panting, the passengers all stared at Dr. Bryar lying motionless against the seat, shocked that the situation had gone downhill so fast.

Gideon rushed onto the train just as Elle lowered Dr. Bryar into a seat near where he fell, all eyes locking on the man with the gun.

"I had to," he said, panting. "He was going to kill us. I had to, God forgive me."

Reid groaned and doubled over, wrapping his arms around his abdomen.

Elle immediately rushed to his side and wrapped an arm around his shoulders to hold him steady. "We need an ambulance," she said, meeting Gideon's eyes. "Dr. Deaton, Dr. Bryar, and Dr. Reid."

"Reid!" Morgan called, pushing his way onto the train and toward his boyfriend. He gently took him from Elle's hold and led him from the train. "What's the matter? Did you get shot, too?"

Reid clung to his shoulders and hissed when Morgans hands skimmed near his stomach as the older man attempted to check him over. "No," he groaned, shaking his head. "I-I'm having a miscarriage," he panted.

"What?" Morgan's eyes widened and dropped to Reid's abdomen as if he could see the child fighting for its life. "But you're not-"

"I-I am. Or I was. I'm sorry," he breathed, raising tear-filled eyes to Morgan's. "I-I've only known for a week. I was still processing. I-I was going to tell you, I swear. I shouldn't- shouldn't have gone in there, b-but it was… And then h-he hit me with his elbow e-earlier a-and..." he rambled, voice trembling.

"Shh, it's okay, pretty boy," Morgan soothed, slipping his arms loosely around his boyfriend. "I believe you."

"Derek," Reid groaned, attempting to bend in half again. "It really hurts"

"Hey!" Morgan yelled over his shoulder. "We need help over here!"

The two were quickly swept up in chaos as ambulances arrived and paramedics swept Reid away from Morgan. He was allowed to follow and ride along in the ambulance but couldn't do more than grip his boyfriend's hand as they did their best to assess the situation and relay information to the hospital. When they arrived, Reid was once again swept away from him and Morgan was sent to wait alone for what felt like hours before a nurse came to get him. Then he found himself sitting beside his boyfriend who laid in the hospital bed, clad in a blue gown.

"Hey," Morgan said tentatively, reaching for Reid's hand.

"Hey," Reid said quietly, turning onto his side to face his boyfriend and squeezing his hand tightly.

"Did you want it?" Morgan whispered after several minutes of silence. "The baby, I mean. Even if we didn't plan it?"

Reid's lip trembled and he nodded. "Yes," he breathed before breaking into sobs. "I-I know we haven't talked, but-" He swallowed hard and let out a shuddering breath. "But i-it was part of you and me, a-and-"

"Hey, hey," Morgan soothed, leaning forward to press a kiss to Reid's forehead. "I know, pretty boy. I wish the choice hadn't been made for you. That's not fair and it's okay to mourn."

Reid nodded and his face crumpled as he sobbed again. He shifted closer to his boyfriend and threw an arm around his neck, the other still gripping Morgan's hand.

They stayed that way for several minutes while Reid sobbed into Morgan's shoulder. The older man slipped his other hand around Reid to rub circles into his back. After a while, Reid's sobs had tapered down to shuddering breaths. Morgan brought his free hand around to wipe the tear tracks from his face and gave him a light kiss before resting his forehead to Reid's. The younger man tightened his arm around Morgan's neck to keep him in place.

"The doctor said you can go home in a few hours," Morgan whispered.

Reid didn't acknowledge the him. He didn't speak for a few more minutes. Then he met Morgan's eyes, his own red-rimmed and wet. "Derek," he whispered. "Can we… I know we haven't, but can we _talk_ about it? Kids, I mean. Finding out I was pregnant got me thinking and the idea of having children with you isn't altogether terrifying. I mean, I know there's a lot we'd have to change to make it work but… I want to talk about it."

"Yeah, Spence," Morgan said with a soft smile. "We can talk about it. For now, try to rest, okay?"

"Okay," Reid mumbled before his eyes slipped closed once more.

For a moment, Morgan thought about pulling away because leaning forward in the chair wasn't going to be comfortable for very long. But the idea of even a millimeter of space between them felt like _too_ much space.

So that was how the team found them an hour later.


End file.
